[PODCAST 170]: “Achiever” Verses “Becomer” – A Self-Assessment

I’ve spent most of my life trying to be an achiever. (Often successfully.) It served me well in many ways…. I got good grades, earned scholarships, completed my goals, learned to work hard, protected myself and my family, built websites, wrote books, exercised regularly, kept a clean house, and created a long list of things that can be officially marked as “done.” But this focus on achievement (which I didn’t really admit/acknowledge until now) has also been the primary source of my internal angst. I haven’t completely made the transition yet, but I’ve finally realized that I can still reach my goals, live a happy life, protect the people I love, and pursue my purpose without setting my sights on the achievements themselves. It’s time to shift my identity from achiever to becomer. But let’s step back for a moment. A few weeks ago, I shared that a community member asked me why I’m so hard on myself. That question pierced my heart, and while I don’t know that I have the whole answer, I think it dates back to when I was in the 5th through 8th grades. That was the “awkward” stage for me. I struggled with my weight, spent hours watching TV and eating in my bedroom, had some tricky friendships, and essentially felt like I was never going to fit in socially. However, it was during that time that I realized I could stand out for my achievements. If I got the best grades in the class, at least I was known as “the smart girl.” When I won the election for president of our elementary school, my dad introduced me to everyone as “the president,” and I received all sorts of congratulations. When I started using a planner at age 13 and became really organized, my peers asked for “planner tours,” and I felt really special because I knew how to make lists and get them checked off. I started seeing myself as a leader, and when I worked hard and got focused, I could get parts in the school plays, earn positions in clubs, win essay contests for things like “Principal for a Day,” and feel respected for being so responsible and accomplished–even though I sat home alone most weekends and used food to replace the loneliness. Things got better in 9th grade and onward, and I had lots of friendships and happy moments throughout high school, college, and over the past 25 years of marriage and motherhood, but that inner desire to “achieve,” continued to burn. (Sometimes with a vengeance.) There’s more to the story, and I’m sure I’ll be sharing additional stories in the future, but for today, I’d like to invite you to join me on an adventure–moving from achiever to becomer. (Don’t you think that’s a fun name for our community members at LearnDoBecome…”Becomers”?) I have a LOT of notes, ideas, examples, object lessons, etc. but let’s start with a simple question: In the areas of your life that matter most, where do you notice yourself leaning toward achievement–and what characteristics, habits, and perspectives would help you lean more toward becoming? As Eric and I were talking about this concept, we realized that the specifics will look different for everyone. We can’t make a standard guide defining achievers and becomers because it’s based so much on our past experiences, our personalities, our current circumstances, and our individual goals. So instead, I’m going to share a few principles I recorded in my personal chart–and then we have a worksheet you can download that can help you personalize these ideas in a way that will be most helpful to you. Sound good? Okay, here’s my personal comparison chart (on a computer, these will appear sid