Tips for Vacationing With Kids

Traveling with kids can feel more like a business trip than a vacation sometimes. You get excited for a break and a change of scenery, but you’re not necessarily off duty when it comes to parenting. In this episode, I’m sharing why vacation feels like so much work sometimes and my top 5 tips for vacationing with kids. Why Is It So Hard?Your ExpectationsOften, when we plan a trip, we think of it in its most idyllic way. We anticipate that it will be lovely and fun and relaxing. We can’t wait for the adventure, the squeals of fun and laughter. Then, reality hits. You’re taking your actual children with you on this trip (not some imaginary unicorn children you made up in your mind).Maybe things fall apart pretty quickly, you start to feel discouraged and think things like, “This always happens,” or “They’re going to ruin our vacation.”Your expectation of how things “should” go is different from the everyday, but the behavior struggles and emotional dysregulation are the same.  Emotional Dysregulation When you go on a trip, you’re also taking your kid out of their normal rhythm and routine, so even if it’s really fun the situation will likely cause some stress for them.Excitement can cause dysregulation. Basically, when our emotions go faster than our nervous system can handle, we get thrown off balance.Add long lines, bad weather, sitting for long periods of time, sleeping in new places. possible time zone changes and all sorts of new food to the mix, and you’re facing quite a few challenges. Big Feeling CyclesKids cry a lot and have a lot of big feeling cycles, whether you’re at home or on a trip. Their emotions are not on vacation. The location or the circumstance isn't what triggers their behavior. It's actually their thoughts and feelings that trigger their behavior. Even in what seems like a fun situation, kids can have thoughts that trigger feelings like disappointment, frustration or jealousy, so they end up complaining, pouting or shoving their sibling.When behaviors come up, many parents are quick to make threats, criticize or overparent in an attempt to get the vacation back on track. But while these approaches might work in the short term, they’re not long-term solutions and may suck even more of the fun out of your vacation. Tips for Vacationing With KidsThe tips I’m sharing today are meant to get you out of the command-threat model and help you know how to handle behaviors and situations that come up. MindsetDecide what you want to think and feel on your vacation. We often spend a lot of time planning specific activities but don’t take the time to think about what feelings we are chasing. Why are you going on this trip? How do you want to feel while you are there? What memories do you want to capture?Your memories will reflect the way you felt while you were on vacation. You might look back at the pictures and look so happy, but you won't remember feeling happy because you actually weren't.Here are a few of my favorite thoughts you can borrow to shift your feelings:Wow. They’re really immature (and they’re supposed to be).They’re really struggling right now.This is a temporary moment.My kid’s just having some big feelings.I really love my children.<br/> Pause When You’re MadWhen you find yourself activated, overwhelmed, angry or frustrated or in any other negative emotion that you don't wanna be feeling on your vacation, I invite you to pause and reset.You want to reset both the stress response in your body and the thoughts in your mind. Move your body to get out some of the stress juice. Take a deep breath, shake your hands, jump up and down, p