117. When Am I Going Home - Responding to This Tough Question

This question, by far, is one of the most triggering questions family members have to respond to. There are so many emotions that spike to the surface when this is asked, and it can swirl us into guilt, doubt, fear, sadness, anger you name it, pretty quickly. If someone is not living with Alzheimer's or another dementia, this usually presents as subtle jabs that can eventually be triggering leading to explosion or argument. The bottom line is, things are where they are for a reason or number of reasons, that are out of our control. Our goal is to let the comments slide, be reassuring, validate the person's emotional response to the situation, generally do our best to not fall into the trigger trap and respond in a loving way. The game changes when the person asking is living with dementia. It's never a one and done conversation. They don't remember asking the question. They're confused about what is going on. We have worked hard to figure out this new living arrangement and get things set up, so it's upsetting when they're repeatedly asking about going home. It's a constant reminder that everything has changed. We desire for them to not ask this because we want to feel a certain way. Of course we want people to feel settled and happy. Under the best of circumstances, a move takes time to feel settled in. When someone is living with dementia this takes an extraordinarily longer amount of time and in my experience, eventually, people do get there and stop asking. Eventually. In this episode I talk about: Keeping perspective on moving. Home may be a feeling more than a geographical place. How to answer the same question a zillion times as if it's the first time they've asked. Remembering they have a brain disease, keeping our energy in check as we're responding. Thinking about the reason behind why they want to go home, it may not be what you're thinking. Offering responses that are temporary and in service to others. How to redirect the conversation. This is a VERY tough time and I want to uplift that you are amazing and doing a great job. Be kind and patient with yourself too. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself, restore yourself, and recharge so you can feel patient during this chapter. www.michelemagner.com Dementia Educators to follow: Teepa Snow: https://www.instagram.com/teepasnows_pac/ Dementia Darling: https://www.instagram.com/dementiadarling/ BeLightCare: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/belightcare/⁠ Dementia Careblazers: https://www.instagram.com/dementia_careblazers/ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com..../pod/show/michele-ma