135. Forgiveness: It's A Transaction, Not A Process!

Welcome to episode #135! This week, Matt and Braden continue to talk with Bruce and Toni Hebel about the power of forgiveness and that it is so much more than a process, but is actually a transaction. Its a transaction!
When we think of forgiveness as being a process we may be inclined to think of it as a feelings based endeavour, in that when we feel like it then we are ready to forgive. But that is not the model that Jesus gave us on the cross. He forgave us all in a moment, and that is the way we are called to forgive, by making the choice to forgive because we have been forgiven. It is an act of our will to be right with God, and in that there is freedom! But on the other end when we have a lack of forgiveness instead of freedom we are met with "tormentors", which in other words are consequences to our unforgiveness. This can be seen in bitterness, addiction, physical ailments, and emotional distress. While we may withhold forgiveness to punish the perpetrator, we end up only punishing ourselves and suffer as a result. The difference between forgiveness and reconciliation
one of the misconceptions we can have about forgiveness is that there needs to be reconciliation for it to have merit. But we can never bank on the offending person(s) to actually repent and ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness is between us and God, and when we forgive another we release the offending person into Jesus' hands. Their debt is paid as is ours, and we have to make the decision to forgive outside of whether they (perpetrator) repents or not. Reconciliation is different and is a separate aspect where there is true repentance and a rebuilding of trust and relationship.Forgiveness brings freedom!
Healing from hurts can take time, but it only can be entered into when we choose to forgive. If we harbour ill will toward those that have wronged us but still say we have forgiven them, then we aren't being honest. When we forgive we ask God to come into our pain and deal with the emotion and injury and we give it to Him. And we no longer are looking to punish those that have wronged us. It doesn't mean that the person we have forgiven instantly becomes our best friend, or that we have to even be in relationship with them, but that we acknowledge their debt is paid and we are not looking to collect it from them any longer. That brings about freedom, and in that we can move on and not be living in a prison of our own devices.   
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BRADEN HAFNER
Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 13 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness w