163. Sex vs Making Love

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Welcome to episode #163! This week, Matt and Braden talk about having sex vs making love. Isn’t it the same thing?
There can be a difference between simply having sex and making love the way God designed. Sex as a broader cultural term is just a physical act or point of contact with another. It’s self focused, about my pleasure and using another to get your “need” met. Whereas making love is a fuller picture of what God designed for us to have in marriage with our spouses -  there is vulnerability that leads to a greater intimacy as you know this one person and are fully known by them over a lifetime. There is commitment and security, and it is about focusing on another, not myself. 
There are different motives behind each act The motive behind making love is connection - a deep connection with our spouse. There are emotional and spiritual connections; to love is to lay our lives down for the sake of another.   Our motive for sex is to get pleasure, self focused on our own desire for orgasm. When we are focused on our own pleasure, we can be ignorant to the pain we might cause our spouse by ignoring what they need.
Making love is about mutuality. One person's pleasure does not supersede another's pain. Women are told it is their duty to fulfill their husbands’ needs regardless of their feelings or if they’re not being treated well. This leads to guilt and shame and they think they are not good wives. When in reality, there needs to be mutuality - you both need to enjoy it. There needs to be vulnerability, safety, security and love. Love does not demand, it serves. It goes beyond the act and the orgasm. Make sure you are being kind to each other, loving and serving each other. Making love is about learning to connect with each other and becoming one with each other. 
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ResourcesPure Freedom Community for men 18+Pure Freedom Journey for men and womenBook a Cleansing HourBook a call with one of Restored Ministries' trained coachesHelp for wivesFamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriageOnline marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code RM30 for 30 days free
Podcast HostsBRADEN HAFNERBraden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 14 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonto