177. Navigating Libido Differences with Javier and Shannan

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Welcome to episode #177! This week, Matt and Braden talk with Javier and Shannan from 24/7 Marriage about differences in our libidos. Everyone is different in this areaIt's rare that you will have a “matching” season of life in regards to your libido. Sometimes your libido is up while your spouse’s is down and vice versa. It's important to work together and through those differences. When working through and talking about these differences, be careful not to come into the conversation defensive. Take a step back, get an outside perspective on what’s happening. Your spouse is not out to attack you, or be against you and there are many factors that could be playing into it. It’s a conversation that isn’t one and done. Continually talk about it as you grow and change in life. 
Creating safety & security between husband and wifeSeek first understanding and then be understood. Try to pause and understand where they’re at, what they’re navigating. It’s easy to see the problem and not the person and not understand what is taking place. Approach with: I believe the best in you, you’re not withholding to be hurtful or malicious. Seek understanding, to hear and to listen to what is being said and what is taking place. Spend time building that emotional security and safety. Be careful in the timing and the words that you use when you come to one another so we’re not acting on defence. 
“Side Effects” of miscommunication about libidoIf there is not effective communication about this area, there can be resentment, bitterness and frustration that build up.  When we don’t engage in conversation, we build contempt for one another; “always” and “never” words come up and thoughts of “you’re better than me”. Even when we reach a “solution”, we need to operate from a place of grace. We might know the solution, but we are human and are flawed people and don’t always act in that way. Remember that forgiveness is not a scorecard. Keep the line of communication open. Look at the long game - your marriage is not the same in year 1 as it is in year 30. You are changing and growing; physically, emotionally, mentally. When we don’t keep up with these conversations, it leaves room for these “side effects” to enter in and have us believe the worst in ourselves and our spouse. Leave room for growth and grace in this and all areas of your marriage. Ask a questionHave a question you'd like answered live on an episode? Send a voice recording of your question to braden@familylifecanada.com or matt@restoredministries.ca.
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