Episode 33 - Make Zarahemla Great Again

Intro:<br/>Welcome to an episode that's about as cohesive as a scatterbrained squirrel on a caffeine high! Join the not-so-holy trinity of Abigail, Moroni, and aaaAAAaaa as they embark on a cosmic journey to discuss their relocation woes that mirror those brave pioneers (or not). You'll be on the edge of your seat as they passionately debate the virtues of mountains versus, well, literally anything better. And who needs life's necessities when there's no wine delivery service in sight? Brace yourself for tales of boozy cravings and the "Miracolada," their drink of choice for surviving this saga. They even manage to sprinkle in a dash of pop culture love, canceled TV shows, and border grievances before diving headfirst into a sponsor message. But really, who cares? It's all just a cosmic joke, after all.<br/><br/>Scriptures [0012:53]:<br/>Ready for a wild ride through the riveting world of scriptures? Moroni has got you covered with an enthralling chat about the Book of Helaman chapters 7-11. Forget about life's mysteries; here, we tackle the real questions—like why anyone would continue from the lengthy book of Alma to dive into more thrilling content. Sit back and revel in the pride cycle theme, new characters who are probably just as perplexing as the old ones, and twists on themes you didn't even know existed. The hosts take you on a rollercoaster of hilarity as they recap events involving Nephi's preaching, prophecies that are probably more convoluted than a soap opera, murders, imprisonments, and power-hungry shenanigans. Because who wouldn't want a sprinkle of divine absurdity in their day?<br/><br/>Church Teachings [00:39:49]:<br/>Hold onto your existential hats, because aaaAAAaaa is here to chat about miracles. Brace yourself for an earful of stories that might have you wondering if someone spiked the holy water with something extra special. Tales of miraculous survival, surprise cash infusions, and divine encounters that are about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the face. Join in the laughter as the hosts use their razor-sharp wit to question whether these "miracles" were cooked up in the universe's cosmic kitchen or if there's just something in the air (other than oxygen, of course). Who cares about faith when you can dive into the world of skepticism with a sprinkle of societal critique? And don't forget, in the grand scheme of things, does any of it even matter?<br/><br/>History [01:33:24]:<br/>Let's journey back to a time when nature had a sense of humor—enter Anabrus Simplex, a.k.a. Mormon crickets, the true party animals of the insect world. Brace yourself as the hosts gleefully discuss the "miracle of the gulls" in 1848, where seagulls apparently decided to spice up their diet with a bit of cricket. Thrill as they dissect the irony of seagulls' migration habits and share tales of their run-ins with these feathered fiends. Marvel at how a bunch of scavenger birds accidentally became heroes. And of course, prepare for the pièce de résistance—the crickets. A literal nightmare swarm that makes you question the very fabric of reality. In the grand finale, the hosts invite you to appreciate the California Seagull, because when all is said and done, it's the little absurdities that make life worth living.<br/><br/>Tune in if you dare, because in this universe of chaos, history, scriptures, and miracles are nothing but a cosmic punchline. Who needs answers when you've got questions that don't even matter?