Mastering the Power of Agreements Part 2

Hosts Jessilyn and Brian Persson dive into Part 2 of their examination of agreements in this episode. Last episode they addressed what agreements are, why they’re needed, and how they work. In this episode they get deeper into agreements by discussing what default agreements are, what happens when an agreement is broken, and why agreements should be reviewed regularly. As always, Jessilyn and Brian lead with examples from their own life experiences.
Default agreements are firstly defined as agreements that come about without discussion and are not intentional. They form out of default actions done by one or both partners. Jessilyn and Brian explain why the assumptions behind default agreements can lead to frustration and broken communication. They explain how agreements can be made about any topic in which there is contention or possible miscommunication. Intentional agreements made following their Discover Define Design framework let each person in the relationship explain themselves and their wishes. Agreements, however, do not caretake themselves. Jessilyn and Brian share how to fix a broken agreement and why ongoing revisions are necessary.  —
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Transcript 
Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:09] Welcome to the Life By Design podcast with your hosts Jessilyn and Brian Persson. We work with professional couples to help resolve conflict and elevate communication within their relationship. Brian Persson: [00:00:20] We are the creators of the Discover Define Design framework, which supports you in resolving conflict and communicating better. Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:28] Our topic this week is Agreements Part two. If you recall last podcast we discussed what are agreements, why do we need them, and how do they work? This week we're going to cover what are default agreements, what happens when you break an agreement, and why should you review agreements on a recurring basis? So Brian, what are default agreements? Brian Persson: [00:00:50] Default agreements. They're a danger. That's what they are for your relationship. Jessilyn Persson: [00:00:55] Yes. Brian Persson: [00:00:56] Basically a default agreement is something where you haven't openly discussed it and actually intentionally chosen that to be your agreement within the relationship. It has happened by default. So whether it's through some irritation that you've created an agreement within your relationship or whether it's through just actions that were going on in your relationship, like for us driving. By default, I drive the highway driving and by default you drive the city driving. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:30] Sometimes it's also assumptions from the other partner, right? Like I assumed you knew when the garbage was overflowing and you just take it out. Brian Persson: [00:01:39] Yeah. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:39] And that default did not work. Brian Persson: [00:01:41] Yeah. The default agreement was that I was to empty the garbage. Jessilyn Persson: [00:01:45] Yes, but you did not. Brian Persson: [00:01:47] No. But the the parameters, bec