41. When To Have Difficult Conversations With Your Family Of Origin

For some of us, deciding when to address unresolved issues with our family of origin can be confusing. Many people choose not to directly address issues so as to not stir the pot. Other people go as far as doing family therapy as adults with their aging parents and other family members. For us, we find it helpful to get clear about the purpose or what we want to accomplish with our family members to help us decide which topics to address and which to leave as water under the bridge, so to speak.When navigating the relational terrain with family of origin members, there’s often many more complex layers to consider than other types of relationships. In this episode, we explore differences in generations when it comes to interpersonal skills, family cultures, even what we are “up to” in our relationships in general. We share how we navigate challenging conversations with our own families. We also provide tips for finding success in these types of conversations — including awareness of contrasting versions of reality, impact versus intent, and getting clear about a desired outcome for the relationship, prior to initiating the conversation. “We can do more than I can” is also an invitation to connect with our families — in support of the relationships we are committed to both learn and heal from. If you come to any new insights about your family’s culture, we’d love to hear from you. Share them with us at kristavanderveer.com. Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 
Topics Covered:Acknowledging differences between generations Appreciating the impact of our family cultureWill’s story about working through past moments of tension with his dadThe importance of getting clear about why you want to have a conversationThe effect cultural norms have on the way we navigate negative impact with family  An invitation to observe familial culture, ask questions, and notice what can shift <br/>
Resources Mentioned:The Art of We episode #40<br/>
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