When I make certain ways of being/ thinking/ feeling a problem...certain ways of being/thinking /doing superior to others... I'm creating an internal ranking system - an internal evaluation mechanism. There's Good Me. Bad Me. Extraordinary Me. Disappointing Me. All these categories that are just a reflection of how I perceive the world outside me.) And the more that internalize this system and the longer I'm in dialogue with myself this way, the farther from my intention I get. Because what happens is not that all the parts of me suddenly fall into line. It's not like berating myself magically inspires the resistant parts of me suddenly rise to the occasion and I magically behave the way I think I ought to behave.On the contrary. The more I try to engage with my thoughts and feelings as though its content to be quantified by an omniscient ranking algorithm, the more shallow, narrow, and defended my experience of myself and of others becomes.

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